Sometimes it seems that in my life
bad things are already “cued up” along my path and there is little I can do about it. I’m not talking about earth shattering things, just life’s little annoyances that would rather had been avoided. Like a few months ago when I had my wallet stolen on the bus.
First, let me say that a few days before this event I had the strangest feeling while looking at my wallet. It was as if I was having memories of every comment ever made on it, every transaction I ever opened it for, and a tally of what was in it. (My identification, my work id, one debit card and a whole bunch of business cards long forgotten who they belonged to). I lingered in this moment a beat and then went about my day, shoving it deep within my bag as I walked out the door. And as I did, I got the clear message, “you’re going to loose that soon if you are not careful”.
Strange, I thought, but then shrugged it off as a lingering doubt or vulnerability that I had yet to clear and took a deep breath knowing that my way would be made for me. I forgot all about this moment and went on with my life.
Two days later, I was coming home from work,
which included a long ride home on a bus. I was tired and a bit annoyed at how crowded it was that day. I didn’t have a seat so I was standing with my bag under and behind my right shoulder. We get to a stop and enough people get off that a seat opened up on my left, I sat down and as I did I registered an odd pulling on my bag, I instinctively tucked it tighter to me and more around to my front as I sat. We reached the next stop, the doors opened and a very thin man pushed silently but almost violently through the crowd and got off the bus.
I didn’t register a thing at that moment, but looking back at it, it feels strange how clear this is to me in retrospect.
So, I went about my way, which included a stop at my local grocery, I gathered about $15 worth of stuff and went to check out. It was then that I discovered that my wallet was missing! Adrenaline pumped into my veins as I apologized but had to put the items back as I couldn’t find my wallet. My blood rushed in rhythmic thuds inside my ears as I made my way back outside. Taking a deep breath my mind replayed where I had been and where I may have lost it and I decided to retrace my steps.
Still having my day-pass in my pocket I got back on the bus, told the driver of my lost wallet and got off at the last stop I had made. It wasn’t at the store, it wasn’t in the bushes by the stop where I might have fumbled it out, it wasn’t anywhere. It was gone. The realization of this and what it meant started to hit me. New IDs, cancel debit card, no money to get dinner so improvise dinner, etc. I accepted what it meant and moved on. I decided that it was just a bump in the road and that somehow, by losing it, I was setting myself up for opportunities for new experiences, new chance meetings, or something. I let it go.
I get off the bus at my usual spot
and walked past the grocery since I couldn’t stop to get what I needed. I continued up my street a block where the back entrance to the store meets the road. And as I got closer to the patch of green in the median of the corner I noticed something lying there. Two bills of some sort,..I walked closer,…it was a $10 and a $5! I stared in disbelief for a second then looked around me to see if the person who dropped it could be found. There was no-one. On this very busy sidewalk, just a few blocks off a main street, there wasn’t nary a soul. I couldn’t even feel guilty about picking up that $15! There was no-one to return it to!
A deeply appreciative smile overcame my face as it all began to sink in. I returned to the grocery and I glowed as I re-shopped for the items I had to return earlier and paid for them with that $15. I thanked the Universe and the soul who had lost it sending them blessings and gratitude.
When I got home, my scientific side kicked in
analyzing the occurrences, looking for meaning in the chance of the events as they unfolded. I remembered the warning a few days before, I remembered the cognition on the bus of a tug and a hurried man, I wondered at the finding of the $15,….and most of all, I pondered about what I did right that allowed this small synchronicity to occur despite the bump on the head I apparently had attracted.
If I had paid attention, at the time, to those whispered voices in my head I could have avoided the situation, mitigated it or changed it all together. But I didn’t listen…I did however notice it and register what it said. Likewise, I didn’t realize it when the theft happened, but once I did I quickly tried to turn my negative thoughts into neutral ones. Vulnerability into happenstance, loss into opportunity, anger into acceptance. I breathed and released the event thereby opening the door to new possibilities.
I also acknowledged and accepted what the event meant to me,
the added burden of getting the IDs, the temporary lack of freedom from not having my debit card, and of course nothing for dinner. I accepted these and was mentally prepared to face them.
It is then I found the money. The money was both a confirmation that it was on purpose, (the total of $15 wouldn’t have been ‘wanted’ then ‘offered’ had I not tried to shop before finding out I couldn’t),…also it was a confirmation that even during bad moments in our life we can be guided, we can follow our way through, if we are willing to not lock up in anger or despair or worry, but remain open to another possible outcome.
In physics it is understood
that you cannot both know the location of a particle and its momentum at the same time. To know one, is to un-know the other. There seems to be a link like this within the human consciousness, in that we both influence our reaction to the world and its reaction to us by what what we hold onto as knowing. In other words, knowing influences outcome, or, what we believe will happen to us usually will,…and only when we can release this point of attention and broaden our acceptance of another possibility can there be another possibility at play.
I opened up enough to allow that $15 dollars to flow back to me immediately so I didn’t have to go hungry. What could have been accomplished if I could have opened more? Would I have found the money if I was stomping home in a blind rage or woefully pitying my fate? Would it have been dropped at all? Found by another? Would I have stomped right by it lost in my own inner drama?
This entire occurrence made me really stop to appreciate
the immediacy and proximity of spirit and its guidance to us. It also made me appreciate that this connection is one we have to reach for, especially when it is difficult to achieve, for it is never imposed upon us, it must be chosen.
When we do tap into it, especially when it is hard to…good things always happen.